Grief-Stricken and Guilt-Ridden

He had sworn to fight to the death for his teacher, but when the time came he started to fight, and then ran away. It was even worse than that; later he swore three times he didn’t even know the man. He abandoned Jesus physically and mentally.

We can only imagine the feelings that were going through Peter’s grief-stricken mind after Jesus’ crucifixion.

In addition to the guilt, he was ashamed. He was also confused because he had believed Jesus was the Messiah, but now that was in question. He certainly didn’t think the Messiah would be crucified. One week ago he was anticipating the coming restoration of Israel, but now he was left feeling bewildered.

As he was thinking about everything that had happened in the last three days, the women returned from the tomb with miraculous news–Jesus was not in the grave and an angel told them he had risen.

Disbelief, Apprehension, and Anxiety

At first Peter didn’t believe it, but then as his thoughts and emotions unfolded Peter felt joy at the prospect of seeing his teacher again. But it was short-lived, it faded away as an awful feeling crept into his mind.

He remembered denying that he knew Jesus when Jesus needed him the most. Now his joy turned to dread and apprehension at having to face Jesus.

He still remembered the piercing look he received from Jesus after the third denial. He couldn’t get that image out of his head. It was haunting him, how could he possibly face Jesus after that? Would Jesus even want to see him?

A Reassuring Word

But when the angel told the women to go tell the others that Jesus had risen there was an interesting distinction in his statement:

⁶ And he said to them, “Do not be alarmed. You seek Jesus of Nazareth, who was crucified. He has risen; he is not here. See the place where they laid him. ⁷ But go, tell his disciples and Peter that he is going before you to Galilee. There you will see him, just as he told you.” (Mark 16: 6-7 ESV)

Does this mean Jesus no longer considered Peter a disciple because of his denial? This is what I thought when I first started reading the Bible. I thought the angel was making a distinction between Peter and the disciples because Jesus no longer considered him one.

This is how most of us would deal with somebody who wasn’t there for us when we needed him the most, but that would go against everything Jesus taught about forgiving others.

I realize now that Jesus sent the angel with this specific message because he knew Peter was going through all of the emotions I described above. He wanted Peter to know he was still included.

Jesus had a reassuring word for Peter when he needed it the most. When Peter heard this message he understood that Jesus still loved him, and with that burden lifted Peter ran to the tomb to see if it was empty.

It was.

Restoration and Recommissioning

Eventually, when Jesus met Peter on the beach with the other disciples, he asked Peter three times if he loved him. Once for each denial. Peter said yes each time, and Jesus told him to feed his sheep. Peter was back in the fold and still had work to do for Jesus. This wasn’t the end after all, it was just the beginning.

Peter went on to become a leader in the early church and, according to church tradition, was eventually crucified for his faith. While he failed Jesus once before, he ended up stronger than ever. When Peter had the chance to deny Jesus to save his own life, he chose death over disobedience.

Peter’s transformation from denying to proclaiming is reassuring. Peter’s example shows us that we can always come back to Christ even if we have denied him.

For years I denied him, and I thought it was too late for me.

But then God said, “and Steve,” just as he said, “and Peter,” and I knew I was welcome.

And even today he is still saying, “and you.”

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