Disclaimer: This article reflects on what the apostles were feeling after the death of Christ. I have taken normal human emotions and woven them into a narrative. We don’t know exactly what happened when they were alone, other than what the Bible tells us. The liberties I have taken give us a glimpse into the emotions and the doubts which they must have had.

Death on Calvary

Jesus’ bloodied body now hung limp and breathless on a cross. The man so many people thought was the Messiah was dead, and they felt that all hope for Israel was lost. Not only was the man executed, but he was “cursed by God.” (Deuteronomy 21:22-23) Nobody expected God’s Messiah would be hanged on a cross.

In Hiding

Just one week ago they thought they were on the verge of restoring Israel to her former glory. At one point some of them were even arguing about their place in the new kingdom. (Mark 9:33)

Stunned at how quickly their world, dreams, and hopes fell apart–and at the hand of one of their own no less–they were holed up in hiding because they were afraid they would be next.

Missed Signs

They were so grief-stricken they missed the signs that occurred when he died: the darkness, the storm, the earthquake, and the tearing of the curtain. Ironically, one of the Romans who was present at the crucifixion saw the signs and confessed Jesus was the Son of God. (Mark 15:39)

But even though they missed the signs, they should have known. He tried to tell them several times. One time he even told them outright that he would be killed and raised again on the third day. (Matthew 17:22-23)

And yet not one of them was thinking about the third day or what it meant. They were too wrapped up in their emotions and fearful of their lives to put everything together.

Their Faith Felt Like Failure

They had so much faith in Jesus, but now he was dead and they saw their faith as failure. They felt like they had put their faith in an elaborate deception. Or perhaps, they thought, Jesus was just wrong about being the Messiah.

Just last night they celebrated the Passover, commemorating Israel’s deliverance from slavery in Egypt. They were expecting Jesus to deliver Israel again, this time from Roman rule. Now it no longer felt like deliverance was imminent, and in fact it left them feeling like they were waiting for a Messiah again.

They kept replaying the events in their minds over and over again. Eventually one of them broke the silence, and they started discussing that last meal and how Jesus told them his body would be broken and his blood shed for them. He had said something about a new covenant. They didn’t know what he meant then, and now it was almost unbearable to think about.

As night fell and Jesus’ body was laid in the tomb, they went to bed and spent a sleepless night wondering how long they would have to wait for the Messiah. They had thought, in Jesus, the waiting was over.

While the disciples felt like failures, the Pharisees were smiling, and Satan believed he had won.

And they waited…